This is John (not Heidi). I love you Naked Guy. However, for a really long time, I kind of hated you. You weren’t just any guy at the beach. You were the only guy at this remote beach. It is understandable that since it was so secluded, you thought it would be ok to take off all of your clothes. I get it. But it is not ok.
I’m not so prudish as to suggest that you shouldn’t be allowed to roam undergarment-free on a secluded beach in the late afternoon. I’m not so legalistic that I must self-righteously declare to you that you are unabashedly breaking the law by dawning your birthday suit in broad daylight in a public place. I’m not against your nakedness because you are such a very large member of our species. Nor am I so squeamish that I must express my utter repulsion at your flabby nakedness jiggling in my presence. Your physique was not the issue. You were a quarter-mile up the beach from me after all. While none of these is the reason I despised you, I did have a really good reason for hating you. The real reason had to do with your unfortunate timing. I was embarrassed.
I was embarrassed because I labored for months to find the right time and place. That afternoon was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to be special. It was supposed to be memorable. Well, I must admit, you helped out on that last one. It was memorable. It was the day I planned to propose to the love of my life.
My family helped me to set a beautiful candlelit dinner on a part of the beach so remote, that we were guaranteed to be alone. I had the ring, the ocean, and my beautiful soon-to-be fiancée exactly how I envisioned it. Well…almost.
You were also there.
I didn’t appreciate it. How could I? When one such as me painstakingly plans the perfect (albeit cliche) marriage proposal, we never plan for a large nude man to show up and ruin the mood. If I had known you were going to be “out and about” that day…Oh! How things might have been different.
It wasn’t until months later that I realized just how funny this was. You’ve given the gift of uproarious laughter to dozens of my friends and family. I don’t know your name, but we have taken to calling you “buck-naked Bob”. You are the highlight in an otherwise normal proposal story. You made it interesting.
I don’t condone naked trips to the beach, but in your case, on this one occasion…it was epic. Good job. I couldn’t appreciate it at the time, but I do now. Sorry for hating you. I’m sure you understand.
Heidi’s Husband (she said “yes” anyway!)
To the reader: Submit your own odd or funny proposal story in the comments below.